Stuck in neutral

So yeah, pretty much if I’m not posting, or saying anything specific in general about how I’m doing, it means I’m off the rails.  Which is the case this week.  I just get so damn disgusted with myself – seriously, over a YEAR in this same exact 10-pound weight range, with the same pattern over and over. 

Gah!  Vegas!  Sundresses!  Energy! 

I am putting all my efforts for the next few days/weeks/whatever into breaking the *%$#ing 200 barrier.  Seriously, it’s FIVE AND A HALF POUNDS.  Really?  In the olden days of dieting, that would be Week 1.

I wish it was (were?) as simple as “just stop eating junk”.  I really do.  No one is holding a gun to my head to make me eat Doritos!  I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight, and I want to get this weight off my body SO BADLY.  And yet, down the hatch goes the junk.  I don’t get it, I truly don’t.  It’s 100% in my power to completely change my body.  I can buckle down right now, eat what I’m supposed to, count my calories, work out like a banshee, and make a major difference within a couple months.  I’m completely allowed to do that.  There are no obstacles in my path other than my own laziness and love of sugar and salt.  I can do it for free!  And I just don’t.  Why the hell not?????????????

Happy Wednesday! (now with more sarcasm)

Today: 177.6 I am battling with my body. It was sugar and salt. Normally about this time of the month (ahem.) I'd be indulging in all kinds of ice cream, candy, cookies, corn chips, tubs for frosting (not the whole thing. I'm not that big for goodness sake!) and just about anything else I could get my hands on. Here's a little TMI for the one other reader of this blog. LOL I am taking birth control to control my "red sea like" (too much?) periods and seriously it's the only thing that's making me aware of what I do to myself the week before. I didn't want to track my food yesterday but I did. That's a HUGE step for me. Usually I will not track for a week and then get back on the train. This week is also the one where (since I'm having a feeding trough style pig out) I'll get all gung ho and beat myself up because I'm gaining weight. I'm not doing it this week. I'm going to try to be understanding of my weirdness and let it be. I'll still try to control myself. I'll keep tracking whether it's good or bad but I'm not going to be pissed about it. In 9 months and 5 days, we will be in Las Vegas celebrating our accomplishments. We will also be talking about all of our setbacks. Whether we aren't at our goals isn't important. It's whether we tried every day to get to them. That sounds totally cheesy but I mean it in the coolest way possible!

Random thoughts

1. Looking good is the number one goal, obvs, but I want to make FEELING good a huge priority too.  I’m just so tired of having no energy, and feeling like a giant non-sexual blob every time I get dressed.  I want to freaking GLOW, I feel so good. 
2.      Sleep is important.  Way important.  Just saying.  (From the perspective of one who did not receive the required quality/quantity last night.)
3.       Speaking of sleep, I keep thinking I need to do early morning workouts because the afternoon ones just aren’t happening like they should.  BUT I seriously don’t want to have to go to bed at 7:30 every night to get the amount of sleep I need.  So I’ve got to make the gym a priority.  Bag packed night before, first stop after work, no exceptions.  And I got in a pretty good streak last week of doing my strength training right before bed, but everything pretty much went to hell after Thursday or so. 
4. Speaking of hell, Lady Time commenced yesterday about 6 days ahead of schedule.  Which explains why I couldn’t keep my mouth closed the whole weekend.  Like twice a year I have a really horrendous painful/exhausted time of it, and it appears that June is the jackpot of 2013!  So today, anyway, I’m just totally in nurture mode.  Hershey Kisses for breakfast, okay.  Nap after work instead of workout, fine.  But I just get this one baby day, and then I’ve got to suck it up.  Hopefully I’ll be past the worst of it after a good night’s sleep!
5.  I was going to come up with this whole detailed plan for the next month (would really like to lose a nice amount before Ty’s bday party), but my brain is fuzzy as part of the aforementioned sleepy Lady Time.  More tomorrow!

WI 6/17

Today: 205.1

Total loss:   -3.1

Next mini goal (199.9 = Under 200):  5.2 lbs to go!

Final Goal (150 lbs):  55.1 lbs to go!

Weekly average needed (to reach goal by 12/31):  2 lbs/week

Goals Met:  N/A

I'm switching back to weekly weigh-ins, or at least just twice a week.  I know I could catch it on a weird fluctuation, but as long as there's an overall downward trend I think I'm good.

Reasons to lose weight ... a work in progress

Some of these are stolen, thank you to people who thought of this long before we did! 

you can wake up and not have your weight be the first thing you think of in the morning.
you won't have to worry about wearing revealing clothes such as shorts or a bathing suit.
you can bury that self-consciousness about people watching you eat.
your clothes will look good on you instead of baggy and sloppy.
you can toss the granny panties.
you can quit worrying about coming up with new excuses for being overweight.
getting dressed in the morning will be cause less anxiety.
you will feel sexier and when you feel sexier, you will become sexier.
you will be able to use a regular towel instead of the beach towels.
you will feel good about yourself.
you will be able to wear one of the patient gowns at the doctor's office and it will close.
you will feel better physically.
you won't mind telling people how much you weigh. your heart won't have to work as hard.
you can cross your legs again without pulling on your pant leg.
you will be happier.
you won't dread having your picture taken.
you will be less winded when walking stairs or long distances.
you will become an inspiration and motivator to others who are trying to lose weight.
people in the grocery store won't be analyzing your cart to see what you're eating that's making you so fat.
you will live longer.
you won't have a fear of scales any more.
you will look better, and when you look better, you automatically feel better.
you won't mind looking in the mirror. you will want to go to that next class reunion.
you will have more confidence and boost your self-esteem. summer can be your favorite season of the year again.
you will get to wear smaller sized clothing.
shopping will be more enjoyable because you can fit in the latest styles.
you can offer support and encouragement to others who are trying to lose weight.
your socks will stay up over your calves.

Choco's Goals ... Format shamelessly stolen from Chip.

Today: 179

Last weigh-in: 177.2

Total loss from last weigh-in:   +1.8

Total loss from highest: 5.2 lbs
June loss so far - .8lbs

Goals Met:  N/A

I am back from Canada and honestly, it could be worse. I kept up my steps and I only slipped a little. I'm hoping that by Monday, the slip will be far less noticeable. :) 

I'm glad Chip's been doing so well. I REALLY want to go to Vegas with her. SO WALK WALK WALK!

Here are my goals broken down into small chunks. 

164 Pounds – September 13th

[I'm starting with what I consider to be a small goal. Losing 20lbs. I think this should be easy but for some reason it's far harder than it looks. LOL I would LOVE to hit this faster but I don't know that I can lose more than a pound a week.]

*Vaguely recall what was "in" the last time I weighed this much.

*New Pandora bead - 25$ or less

*Eat Olie's birthday cake with gusto! 

158 Pounds – October 25th

[This goal would put me in the overweight BMI category. How I would simply love to be overweight instead of obese. I don't even like admitting that I am obese. Even the word looks like shit. lol ]

*I believe the last time I was 158 was when I was pregnant with Olie... so 2000.

*New jeans - 25-30$

*Gear myself up for the next 2 months. Winter is rough because I want to hibernate. So much want.

145 – January 24th

[This is my main goal. If I get here. I will be elated, overjoyed, enraptured!]

*Run around house literally... without being winded.  

*Start the new year off with a grand evening out with my husband.

*Go buy a cute dress... in the middle of winter. Might be rethinking that one. lol

VEGAS, BABY! 136 - March 23rd 

Stretch goal! 132 – April 25th

[This would put me into the Normal weight category.  I don't think I've even ever been 132. I remember being 135 in high school.]

*Enjoy my birthday knowing I don't have to make that deal with myself to lose weight again.

*Get professional bra fitting because I'd need it. I'm sure. 

*Learn more about maintenance... since I'll be needing it!  YEAH!

Just today's stats

Today: 203.7

Total loss:   -4.4

Next mini goal (199.9 = Under 200):  3.8 lbs to go!

Final Goal (150 lbs):  53.7 lbs to go!

Weekly average needed (to reach goal by 12/31):  2 lbs/week

Goals Met:  N/A