LIFE A (Super Happy Fun Life):
I'm somehow fabulously independently wealthy. My home base is in a big US city (I haven't decided which one), but I can - and do - fly anywhere at the drop of a hat. I see family as often as I want to, and travel whenever and wherever I want. I have a richly appointed home that still reflects my personality, and it's immaculately kept by a a staff who rivals that of Buckingham Palace. I have a personal chef who creates food so delicious I don't even realize how healthy and low calorie it is, and I don't even need a personal trainer because I LOVE to move my body. (I. Must. Dance!) I read to my heart's content, go to any museum/concert/movie/park/street fair that I desire. I also spend days lounging the world's most comfortable bed (seriously, check Guiness) binge watching tv with no guilt because I just can. I take fabulous trips with my girlfriends, or sometimes just fly them to my house for a week for some quality girl time. Every man who meets me falls in love with me a little or a lot (depending on whether they're already married), and I love some of them back but no one can tie me down. Everyone wants me at their party and I always charm all the guests, but there's still an aura of mystery about me because I fiercely guard my privacy. Somehow I'm an amazing singer. Like, not to the point of being a professional and having to record albums and go on tour, but I always blow people away at karaoke.
LIFE B (The Life I Should Have Had If I Had Made Lots of Correct Choices):
I live in Indianapolis. I love living in the city, and I'm close enough to see my family often, if not daily. I live in a nice (if not MTV Cribs level) home that is clean and pretty and shows my taste. I make a comfortable living as a an actual paid writer. Novels are the dream, but I will also accept short pieces, magazine features, lucrative blog, etc. for Life B. Or, "last resort", English teacher - but like at a ritzy private school where I get paid big bucks. Comfortable living means that I have no debt, a nice savings cushion, am fully insured, take traveling vacations 2-3x a year, and wear beautifully tailored clothes and expensive leather shoes. I shop Nordstrom or Sephora for my beauty products, not CVS. I know how to cook clean nourishing food for myself and others, and know how to do things with coconut butter that make me forget sugar even exists (most of the time). (I'm not a food Nazi.) I alternate yoga and running to stay thin and toned and Zen. I have a cluster of girlfriends who actually will go to dinner or the movies or bowling just for fun, and don't act like you're acting them to launch a space missile when you try to make plans. (Also, I'm actually social and therefore also am not the space missile launch person.) I'm in love with someone who would marry me in a heartbeat, but respects the fact that I adore living alone and will gladly take however much time I give him. I may or may not have a small child, but that decision is/was made deliberately and not by the default of age/finances.
LIFE C (The Life I Could Have If I Got Off My Ass, That Would Actually Be Pretty Sweet):
I live in my current city because let's face it, my family is The Waltons. I rent a nice little house that is - wait for it. . . clean, pretty, and reflects my tastes and personality. I love having people over to drink wine and play board games because I am just that cool. I have a job that I enjoy and that pays the bills and leaves plenty of room for extras. (Going to the doctor for antibiotics when I have bronchitis isn't a luxury, it's just something I do when I'm that sick.) I am damn close to being debt-free. (Except for the student loans, which I've accepted are just going to be my mortgage.) Enjoying the job means that I like my coworkers, excel at my work, and don't carry anything over from day to day. I get out with friends at least once a week, and spend fun time with my family too. I know how to cook healthy nourishing food and do, but still enjoy a DQ crunch cone once in awhile. I hit the gym a few times a week and am at a "normal" weight. I keep my wardrobe updated and take care of myself beauty-wise. I have a college-level-serious boyfriend, ie one who doesn't live with me but is still monogamous. We have a blast whatever we do, whether we're dressed up for a black-tie event (I dunno, maybe his brother is getting married? Not many black-tie events here.) or at home eating pizza and making fun of whatever's on TV. I am organized. Not Martha Stewart level, but if you asked me to produce a document or needed to borrow my car keys, I could accommodate you in under a minute.
LIFE D (The Life I Actually Live Right Now):
I live in my parents' basement. Okay, not the actual basement, the back room of a split level house. I work at a job where the stress-to-benefit ratio is way too high. Way too high. I constantly feel "in trouble" at work because I literally an unable to complete everything I'm supposed to do in the amount of time I have, and I'm busting my ass so I can make peanuts doing it. While I've made great strides in paying down debt, I'm nowhere near where I want to be in regards to being in a position to move out and be comfortable. I'm 50 pounds overweight, 60-70 from where I'd like to be. I hate all my clothes but never buy more because I feel like I'll be wasting money on clothes I "won't fit in very long". I spend my evenings reading or watching Netflix. I rarely go out, partly because of the blah rut feeling, partly wanting to hide my fat self from people who haven't seen me this way, partly out of embarrassment of friends having to meet me at my parents' house. The idea of dating is almost laughable and completely impossible. I'm constantly planning some big get-my-life-together push, but it never happens. I do have flashes of joy - hello, Vegas!! Hello, spring! But for the most part. . . . RUT. ROT. Same diff.
Why I'm Not Living Life A: I never play Powerball, and I'd have to get a personality transplant. (Or just be drunk all the time so that my social inhibitions were lowered.)
Why I'm Not Living Life B: I didn't make the choices that would have led to Life B.
Why I'm Not Living Life C: Clinical depression? I think mostly laziness, and the feeling that things will just magically work themselves out and fall into place. I never want to accept the fact that TODAY is "tomorrow", if you get me.
No comments:
Post a Comment