Stuck in neutral

So yeah, pretty much if I’m not posting, or saying anything specific in general about how I’m doing, it means I’m off the rails.  Which is the case this week.  I just get so damn disgusted with myself – seriously, over a YEAR in this same exact 10-pound weight range, with the same pattern over and over. 

Gah!  Vegas!  Sundresses!  Energy! 

I am putting all my efforts for the next few days/weeks/whatever into breaking the *%$#ing 200 barrier.  Seriously, it’s FIVE AND A HALF POUNDS.  Really?  In the olden days of dieting, that would be Week 1.

I wish it was (were?) as simple as “just stop eating junk”.  I really do.  No one is holding a gun to my head to make me eat Doritos!  I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight, and I want to get this weight off my body SO BADLY.  And yet, down the hatch goes the junk.  I don’t get it, I truly don’t.  It’s 100% in my power to completely change my body.  I can buckle down right now, eat what I’m supposed to, count my calories, work out like a banshee, and make a major difference within a couple months.  I’m completely allowed to do that.  There are no obstacles in my path other than my own laziness and love of sugar and salt.  I can do it for free!  And I just don’t.  Why the hell not?????????????

Happy Wednesday! (now with more sarcasm)

Today: 177.6 I am battling with my body. It was sugar and salt. Normally about this time of the month (ahem.) I'd be indulging in all kinds of ice cream, candy, cookies, corn chips, tubs for frosting (not the whole thing. I'm not that big for goodness sake!) and just about anything else I could get my hands on. Here's a little TMI for the one other reader of this blog. LOL I am taking birth control to control my "red sea like" (too much?) periods and seriously it's the only thing that's making me aware of what I do to myself the week before. I didn't want to track my food yesterday but I did. That's a HUGE step for me. Usually I will not track for a week and then get back on the train. This week is also the one where (since I'm having a feeding trough style pig out) I'll get all gung ho and beat myself up because I'm gaining weight. I'm not doing it this week. I'm going to try to be understanding of my weirdness and let it be. I'll still try to control myself. I'll keep tracking whether it's good or bad but I'm not going to be pissed about it. In 9 months and 5 days, we will be in Las Vegas celebrating our accomplishments. We will also be talking about all of our setbacks. Whether we aren't at our goals isn't important. It's whether we tried every day to get to them. That sounds totally cheesy but I mean it in the coolest way possible!

Random thoughts

1. Looking good is the number one goal, obvs, but I want to make FEELING good a huge priority too.  I’m just so tired of having no energy, and feeling like a giant non-sexual blob every time I get dressed.  I want to freaking GLOW, I feel so good. 
2.      Sleep is important.  Way important.  Just saying.  (From the perspective of one who did not receive the required quality/quantity last night.)
3.       Speaking of sleep, I keep thinking I need to do early morning workouts because the afternoon ones just aren’t happening like they should.  BUT I seriously don’t want to have to go to bed at 7:30 every night to get the amount of sleep I need.  So I’ve got to make the gym a priority.  Bag packed night before, first stop after work, no exceptions.  And I got in a pretty good streak last week of doing my strength training right before bed, but everything pretty much went to hell after Thursday or so. 
4. Speaking of hell, Lady Time commenced yesterday about 6 days ahead of schedule.  Which explains why I couldn’t keep my mouth closed the whole weekend.  Like twice a year I have a really horrendous painful/exhausted time of it, and it appears that June is the jackpot of 2013!  So today, anyway, I’m just totally in nurture mode.  Hershey Kisses for breakfast, okay.  Nap after work instead of workout, fine.  But I just get this one baby day, and then I’ve got to suck it up.  Hopefully I’ll be past the worst of it after a good night’s sleep!
5.  I was going to come up with this whole detailed plan for the next month (would really like to lose a nice amount before Ty’s bday party), but my brain is fuzzy as part of the aforementioned sleepy Lady Time.  More tomorrow!

WI 6/17

Today: 205.1

Total loss:   -3.1

Next mini goal (199.9 = Under 200):  5.2 lbs to go!

Final Goal (150 lbs):  55.1 lbs to go!

Weekly average needed (to reach goal by 12/31):  2 lbs/week

Goals Met:  N/A

I'm switching back to weekly weigh-ins, or at least just twice a week.  I know I could catch it on a weird fluctuation, but as long as there's an overall downward trend I think I'm good.

Reasons to lose weight ... a work in progress

Some of these are stolen, thank you to people who thought of this long before we did! 

you can wake up and not have your weight be the first thing you think of in the morning.
you won't have to worry about wearing revealing clothes such as shorts or a bathing suit.
you can bury that self-consciousness about people watching you eat.
your clothes will look good on you instead of baggy and sloppy.
you can toss the granny panties.
you can quit worrying about coming up with new excuses for being overweight.
getting dressed in the morning will be cause less anxiety.
you will feel sexier and when you feel sexier, you will become sexier.
you will be able to use a regular towel instead of the beach towels.
you will feel good about yourself.
you will be able to wear one of the patient gowns at the doctor's office and it will close.
you will feel better physically.
you won't mind telling people how much you weigh. your heart won't have to work as hard.
you can cross your legs again without pulling on your pant leg.
you will be happier.
you won't dread having your picture taken.
you will be less winded when walking stairs or long distances.
you will become an inspiration and motivator to others who are trying to lose weight.
people in the grocery store won't be analyzing your cart to see what you're eating that's making you so fat.
you will live longer.
you won't have a fear of scales any more.
you will look better, and when you look better, you automatically feel better.
you won't mind looking in the mirror. you will want to go to that next class reunion.
you will have more confidence and boost your self-esteem. summer can be your favorite season of the year again.
you will get to wear smaller sized clothing.
shopping will be more enjoyable because you can fit in the latest styles.
you can offer support and encouragement to others who are trying to lose weight.
your socks will stay up over your calves.

Choco's Goals ... Format shamelessly stolen from Chip.

Today: 179

Last weigh-in: 177.2

Total loss from last weigh-in:   +1.8

Total loss from highest: 5.2 lbs
June loss so far - .8lbs

Goals Met:  N/A

I am back from Canada and honestly, it could be worse. I kept up my steps and I only slipped a little. I'm hoping that by Monday, the slip will be far less noticeable. :) 

I'm glad Chip's been doing so well. I REALLY want to go to Vegas with her. SO WALK WALK WALK!

Here are my goals broken down into small chunks. 

164 Pounds – September 13th

[I'm starting with what I consider to be a small goal. Losing 20lbs. I think this should be easy but for some reason it's far harder than it looks. LOL I would LOVE to hit this faster but I don't know that I can lose more than a pound a week.]

*Vaguely recall what was "in" the last time I weighed this much.

*New Pandora bead - 25$ or less

*Eat Olie's birthday cake with gusto! 

158 Pounds – October 25th

[This goal would put me in the overweight BMI category. How I would simply love to be overweight instead of obese. I don't even like admitting that I am obese. Even the word looks like shit. lol ]

*I believe the last time I was 158 was when I was pregnant with Olie... so 2000.

*New jeans - 25-30$

*Gear myself up for the next 2 months. Winter is rough because I want to hibernate. So much want.

145 – January 24th

[This is my main goal. If I get here. I will be elated, overjoyed, enraptured!]

*Run around house literally... without being winded.  

*Start the new year off with a grand evening out with my husband.

*Go buy a cute dress... in the middle of winter. Might be rethinking that one. lol

VEGAS, BABY! 136 - March 23rd 

Stretch goal! 132 – April 25th

[This would put me into the Normal weight category.  I don't think I've even ever been 132. I remember being 135 in high school.]

*Enjoy my birthday knowing I don't have to make that deal with myself to lose weight again.

*Get professional bra fitting because I'd need it. I'm sure. 

*Learn more about maintenance... since I'll be needing it!  YEAH!

Just today's stats

Today: 203.7

Total loss:   -4.4

Next mini goal (199.9 = Under 200):  3.8 lbs to go!

Final Goal (150 lbs):  53.7 lbs to go!

Weekly average needed (to reach goal by 12/31):  2 lbs/week

Goals Met:  N/A

Goals! Rewards!

Hope Choco's having fun on vacation!  Even if it is for work.  Fun always takes precedence over anything else when you're out of the country!  It's the law.

Today: 204.9

Total loss:   -3.2

Next mini goal (199.9 = Under 200):  5 lbs to go!

Final Goal (150 lbs):  54.9 lbs to go!

Weekly average needed (to reach goal by 12/31):  2 lbs/week

Goals Met:  N/A

Okay!  Ta da. . . I DID go the gym last night and I DID do my first ab challenge.  Love the Zombie run!  As for the challenge, I literally was getting ready to slip into bed when I remembered it.  I hesitated for maybe one second, then got it in.  It’s definitely both abs and arms!  I think, for momentum, I will somewhat cheat the original plan.  I like the 4 on, 1 off rhythm.  But instead of increasing reps daily, I’ll wait and increase them each new 4-day set.  Getting me into a new workout routine is like getting a feral cat into a carrier.  It HAS to go into the carrier to get its shots and there’s no avoiding it, but you have to ease it in as gently as you can. 

Okay, mini goals & rewards. . .

Under 200 (199.9) – July 8th

[This one is soooooooooo close.  But basically I’ve been dithering in the low 200’s, literally in this same 10-pound range, for a good year.  Yikes.]

*Change pic on Facebook (and every 5 pounds thereafter – 195, 190, etc.)

*Run around house skipping and chanting “I’m back in the 100’s!” until it’s out of my system.

*New earrings (from Target, let’s not go crazy here)

10% (179.9) – September 16^th

*Find a free concert (or something similarly cool) and make a night of it

*Amazon “spree” - $25

The Hell Out of the 70’s (169.9) – October 21^st

[Like 7 years ago, I actually lost a ton of weight and got down to mid 150’s.  It slowly crept back up to the 170’s, where I was in weight loss purgatory FOREVER.  It’s just been in the last couple years when I shot up to current weight.  Right now I’d kill for 70’s, but they do not hold fond memories for me.]

*Run around house skipping and chanting “The 60’s!!!!!!  Virgin fat!!!!!!!” 

*Read all my dating/relationship books (it’s a weakness) and get ready for that whole thing again

The Last 10 Pounds! (160) – November 25^th

*Take deep breath and realize that I’ve chosen the most difficult part of the year for the most difficult part of weight loss.  Feel a little bit self-righteous.

*At 159, take a moment to revel in having a “Normal” BMI.

*Get professional bra fitting (always wanted to do that)

GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (150) – December 30^th

*Run around house waving arms in air and screaming “Eeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!”  (Too much excitement to concentrate on chanting)

*Take an “After” pic and brag on Facebook.  Bask in glory.

*Grin everywhere I go, hoping people will ask why I’m in such a good mood, so I’ll have the chance to say “Oh, I lost 60 pounds” all nonchalantly.

*VEGAS, BABY!  This one will be delayed, or possibly not – I’m realistic to admit that 2 lbs/week is definitely a challenge.  Bur regardless, Vegas is going to be the kahuna of rewards.  Woot woot!

Bleah, another gain

Today: 208.1

Total loss:   N/A

Next mini goal (199.9 = Under 200):  8.2 lbs to go!

Final Goal (150 lbs):  58.1 lbs to go!

Goals Met:  N/A

Boooooo, I’ve been putting this off all day.  Basically I know what I have to do, I just don’t want to do it.  Which is why I am still gargantuan.  At some point, the not wanting to be fat is going to override the not wanting to diet.  It boggles my mind that I continue to choose fat over dieting, but the results speak for themselves.  Yes, losing weight is hard.  Tracking calories suck.  But do they really suck more than being hot and uncomfortable in the summertime but not being able to throw on shorts and tank top without wanting to die?  REALLY?  Because that’s what I’m saying with my continued choices.  “I would rather be over 208 pounds than not be able to eat whatever I want.”  “This bag of cheese popcorn is totally worth being 208 pounds.”  “Being 208 pounds is more fun than getting on the elliptical for 20 minutes.” 

So I just have to either suck it up and do what I don’t want to do, or start looking into “Big is Beautiful” books and rearrange my entire mindset.  I’m not ready for that yet, I’m just not.

And so, we begin the dreaded calorie tracking.  And the STICKING TO calorie limits.  No, I won’t be perfect, but I’m going to aim for it.  There’s too much of a slippery slope when I allow myself a “free day” or “one treat a week” that I don’t have to track.  So I downloaded MyFitnessPal on my phone again.  For tracking, it’s just cleaner for me than SparkPeople.  

I HAVE to get into the damn gym too.  I’m going to aim for 3 workouts/week.  Maybe I’ll get all excited about my Zombie app once I start doing it and want to go more often, but 3 is the official goal.  Plus the abs challenge, starting today.

Homework for tomorrow:  Create the “why we want to lose weight” running post (if Choco hasn’t already) and put my reasons on there.  Create mini goal list and figure out reward system.  GO TO GYM.  

This post is called Cousin Choco's Friday or How to sit on your butt and do nothing!

Yesterday: 177.2
Today: 177.2
Total loss from highest: 7.0 lbs
1st Goal 164: 13.1 lbs to go!
2nd Goal 154: 23.1 lbs to go!
3rd Goal 144: 33.1 lbs to go!
BIG GOAL 132 lbs: 45.1 lbs to go!
June loss so far - 2.6lbs

Money spent in the last 24 hour period: $7.25


I'm calling it a rest day. I did nothing. I was not even motivated enough to get ALL 10K steps for yesterday. I got to 9,742 and went to bed.

Today is me getting ready for a trip to Montreal for business. I am really not looking forward to going because I don't want to get thrown off track this early in my (obviously SO focused) new lifestyle. 

I am going to a quilt shop this morning because I am starting a block of the month with them. I would REALLY like to hand piece each block but I don't know that it'll happen. After the quilt shop, I'm off to the all important grocery shopping so no one in my house starves before I return. :)

At some point today, I will get a workout in, I just don't know which one. If it's raining, I'm going to Leslie it up!

Do we dare?

Okay, I just finished looking up (in pics and on YouTube) the exercises for today and tomorrow's Monthly Challenge.  Some of them I already knew, but Frog?  Hollow Man?  And there are yet other new ones coming down the pike?  It's pissing me off.

WHAT IF we choose 2-3 arm exercises and 2-3 ab exercises and do our own simpler challenge?  We could still follow the same calendar and do the same addition of reps.  What do you think?

Or should we follow through on what we said and just do the stinking Facebook one?

Stress eating? Nahhhhhh.

Okay, here’s what we’re looking at since Tuesday evening.  Doritos, sweet & sour chicken, Wendy’s Spicy chicken sandwich and some fries (there were some healthy meals mixed in there, but that’s boring).  And no exercise since Monday.  So much for the anxiety diet!  That lasted about two hours.

It’s not so much that I’m a stress eater.  I picture stress eating as “Ooh, I’m stressed.  I know what I’ll do, NOM NOM NOM!”  It’s more that when I have other stuff going on, I have no extra energy to focus on being healthy.  And so I just eat whatever, because God knows it takes extreme mental concentration and positive motivation to actively choose the kale salad over the Wendy’s drive-thru. 

I’m back on today, but not feeling particularly cheerleader-y about it.  Also, I have a dinner tonight at a Mexican restaurant with the bestie.  My POTW (plan of the week) (I made up that abbreviation just now) allows for a sensible portion of whatever I want for dinner, so I should be okay as long as I don’t go crazy.  Which I tend to do with Mexican food.  

Ow.

Seriously when I take off my shoes, I hobble. HOBBLE! My feet hurt like I've ran a marathon or something. It's not like I over do it. I'm walking my 10k steps a day. My shoes must suck. Supposedly they are running shoes. I don't know whose running shoes though because they aren't working for me.

I was ravenous today. It may have had something to do with stress but I warded it off and only ended up like 1450 calories. It's within my normal goal but I was trying to stay under 1300. So go me!

Today was a rest day for my challenge. I'm not looking forward to the ab thing tomorrow. I much prefer the weights. Tomorrow is the 3rd Zom run for me. I'll try to do it. At very least, I'll walk it and do the run on Saturday.

I hope Chip had a great day. :)

Tuesday... Fat Tuesday?

I'm not actually having a terrible day. I did my run this afternoon. It was a bit slower than the first one. My legs are in a constant state of recovery. There's always a muscle that seems like it's working itself out. Shins, heels, arches, calves, thighs, groin... I asked my husband if it's supposed to be like this and when it will stop. Of course he didn't know when it would stop. I guess I will have to keep going and it will.

I got up to 7.39mph today. It was only for a second but I think it was when I was told there was a Zom chasing me. Seriously makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. LOL Immersion works so well on me. I also ran through an area that used to be a college. It's kept up but quite a few of the buildings are abandoned.  That and the chain link fences to keep the Zoms out had me freaked. Overall it was about 22 seconds slower than my last training session. That's not so bad I guess since I'm hurting.

What else have I got on today? Oh right. I was feeling sick this afternoon. I laid on the couch and had a couple Tums. I don't know whether it was because I ate popcorn instead of a more substantial snack or if I just wasn't feeling well. Finally, the "bleh" left me and I got up the energy to complete the Monthly Challenge for today.  It's not so bad, I quite enjoy the weightlifting bit. I would like an exercise ball but I'll have to wait for that.

I'm going to Montreal for work from Sunday to Thursday so that week is going to be an interesting food week for me. Thank God I'm not a gravy fan so the poutine won't lure me in.  I'll just have to try not to over indulge. If there's something awesome, I'm going to eat it, of course!

Chip and I would like to take a trip to Vegas together. It looks like for our flights and a hotel for a Monday to Friday trip, it would cost about $450 each. That's not bad... maybe we can give ourselves incentive like a dollar a workout or $10 a pound? We're going to have to owe money to someone! Whatcha think, Chip?

Anxiety Diet

Job interview tomorrow!  Stomach in knots already.  I never used to be the nervous type until my latest interview experience.  Crapfaces.

THIS is the exact feeling that diet pills should replicate!  I couldn't eat anything right now if I tried.  Choco, make a note.  If we can replicate this in the lab, we'll make enough money to pay to look however we want!

Choco Evening

I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't going to do the Monthly Challenge. I thought because I was doing everything else that I didn't have to do it. Then I started feeling guilty. There's my poor cousin doing her cardio AND her monthly challenge. So I did it. PLUS, I got my 10K steps in PLUS I stayed within my calorie budget today.  I changed my desktop background to the challenge calendar and tomorrow I'll continue right on track. It feels SO good. Tomorrow I have my Couch to 5K again and I'm seriously looking forward to being chased by zombies again.

 

Let's get this.

Hello from Chip!

Here’s the other cousin, aka the salty one.  (Wait, I didn’t think about how this whole
sweet/salty thing would work out. . . ) I live In Indiana and am a footloose fancy-free single chick.  Kind of.
(Kind of fancy free, not kind of single! I’m all the way single.  Just saying.  In case you know anybody.)  I do enjoy the sugar (especially in the form of ice cream), but I ADORE the salt. Doritos, Cheetos, Fritos.  Cheese popcorn.  Movie popcorn.  Basically I heart anything salty and crunchy
that comes in a bag.  And it shows. 

I’m here for weight loss too.  Unlike Choco, I am NOT doing it right.  Well, I haven’t been.  While I know the right things to do, I just haven’t been doing them.  At all.  But I think the motivation to bring out my “lithe
beautiful person” is finally starting to outweigh the laziness of my current, um, not-lithe person.  I’m not going to lie, the number one reason I want to lose weight is to look good.  I’d like to feel pretty in a sundress
sometime before I die.  But a close number two (heh) is that I want to FEEL good. I get tired so easily.  I get out of breath so easily.  I have almost zero energy.  And I just don’t enjoy being myself right now.  So getting healthy, as cliché as it sounds, is really important too. And I’d like to figure out some feel-good tricks along the way.  I really don’t want to put off my whole life until I weigh 150 pounds!

Oh, speaking of which, that’s my ultimate goal weight.  And I’m currently 206.4.  Yikes. Right now I’m just focusing on that 6.5 pounds to get out of the dreaded “2” range.  I’m pretty much lasered in on that at the moment.  Hopefully it won’t take too long, and then I can figure out a fitness goal too.  I like the idea of having a fitness goal like Couch to 5K to focus on rather than a pound number!  But I need to think about what will get me the most motivated.    

Greetings from Choco!

I asked my cousin this morning if we should start a blog that follows our MONUMENTAL efforts to lose weight.  Had I been with her in person she likely would have chuckled.  (Chuckling is an awesome word and far too underused.)  She did say yes though. She liked the idea of us pouring out our collective hearts in a blog for the world to see so long as we aren't conjoined in the process.
So who am I? I live in Massachusetts. I am a mother and a wife. I am the sweet one.  I am Cousin Choco as in chocolate! I love anything sugar, sugar, sugar!  Remember Super Sugar Crisp?! "Can't get enough Super Sugar Crisp! It's got the crunch with the punch!" Yeah, it was never the same when the manufacturers were bullied into changing the name.
Where was I? Right. I'm a grammar girl who loves commas and sentences that start with I. I'm vain like that but since this is about me... I guess that's alright.  I am here because I am trying to lose weight. Mostly for me but there's this small part of me that wants to show my doctors I'm doing it right and nothing is happening. Am I doing it right? Probably not. Mostly yes but sometimes no. I like pie.
What I am doing correctly is my exercise. At least I think I am. I am trying to get at LEAST 10k steps a day and I have started a Couch to 5k program.  It's pretty fun because the zombies try to eat me.  I think I have told everyone at some point that I'd only run when I was being chased. I guess that's true.  Holy Flash, Batman! I was running at 7.14 mph at one point. Granted it was for like 15 seconds but I did it.  I (where's the italics on this thing?) I  (there.) ran!  I did it. I ran for 15 seconds 10 times and thought huh, I didn't die! I DIDN'T DIE!
I should probably have a goal to keep on track and make me update the blog on a regular basis.  I'm currently 179.8lbs. and my main goal is completing the Couch to 5k program.  I should be working on that every other day. Tomorrow is a 10 minute walk followed by 10 intervals of 1 minute walking and 15 seconds running then a 10 minute free form run. Or as I call it another walk with a couple of bursts of speed.